Making friends nowadays feels REALLY hard…is it just me? The idea of making new friends excites me but also terrifies me and I have no idea why. And that’s okay. I feel like people nowadays are so quick to drop people, whether that is friends or significant others. That is anxiety-inducing in and of itself! Would you describe yourself as desperate but picky?
Desperate but picky refers to friendship (and romantic partner if you want) selection, a term I made up. Let me put it in real-life terms. I sit on TikTok basically all hours of the day and night seeing people like Alix Earle with these big friend groups and wishing that was me. I want a handful of close girl friends more than anything really, I feel like it is what is missing in my life. I think most women can relate. We COVID graduates really feel it and almost forgot how to make friends. However, what I will not do is compromise my values just because I want to have a friend. It is the same thing with dating. I won’t settle for someone who is not right for me even though I desperately want a boyfriend. See what I am getting at? I am desperate for a friend or partner, but I get to be picky when choosing!
I have gotten so angry with myself for having high standards and sticking to them because I feel like I walk the line between being too judgemental and too doormat-ish. I get scared to speak up if someone is hurting me because I am scared of conflict and don’t want to ruin the good vibe of the relationship that is happening at that moment. BUT, it is so important! I decided that instead of allowing people to hurt me to not make waves, I am allowed and have every right to communicate that respectfully. If someone wants to end a friendship over that, they probably aren’t someone I want in my circle anyway. You become those who you hang around with and I'd never drop someone for communicating with me…I’d thank them! 2024 is the year of asking for what you need. You are never asking too much from the right people.
I tried Bumble BFF after hearing about it on TikTok. I put my most authentic pictures to show what I bring to a friendship, shared my personality in prompts, and tried to connect with other girls in my area who seemed to portray similar values. Immediately when swiping, I was so intimidated by how gorgeous and “scary” the girls looked. I knew from some profiles that we would just not be a fit and I would fall back into the cycle of pretending to be someone I am not. Also, side note, has anyone ever switched from Bumble the dating app to Bumble BFF? It is SUPER weird to open the app and all of a sudden see a bunch of females! Anyway, the reason I tell this story is because I got ZERO matches. Zero. How depressing is that? It hit me hard. No one wanted to be my friend. Still processing this if I am being honest.
This made me realize that there are probably so many people in my life who want to be my friend and are too scared to reach out because of their own anxieties. This is the exact same way I feel. There are so many classmates, coworkers, etc who I want to be friends with but am too scared to ask. So, what did I do? I reached out to ALL of them. Every single one. And guess what? They all said yes and were so happy that I did!!! Your anxiety can make you scared, but it can’t stop you! I challenge mine every day and this is a step that was huge for me. It may seem small to some, but it is all about perspective.
Here are a few friendly reminders:
Just because someone wants to be your friend, you do not have to accept it. Don’t feel bad for “passing up” a friendship that comes your way because you are desperate. You don’t have to leap at the first person who shows interest in you. Wait for the right people (and they will come)! I would rather be alone for a little while than pretend to be someone else or not speak up when I need to, just so someone will be my friend! It is not worth it.
My best advice (that I often need to bring myself back to) is to date yourself first. Learn what you bring to a friendship, what your flaws are, how good of a listener you are, etc. Find value in your characteristics before allowing someone else to experience them. The age-old saying is so true, you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone and anyone can love you. This goes for all types of relationships!
Take that leap of faith. People probably want to reach out to you but are too scared. If someone comes to mind, reach out to them. They will definitely be so happy that you did!
Hope this helped you navigate friendships in your life today :)
Xoxo,
Kaycee
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