Do you ever feel like you just don’t fit in with everyone around you? Yeah, me too.
I think it’s a coping mechanism for so many of us to completely pack our schedules and stay busy to distract from the fact that we don’t know what to fill our time with if we don’t. Because when you’re “too busy”, you aren’t worried about not getting invited to things…right?
Wrong. I’ve never really fit into group settings. It was when I was engulfed in groups of people that I felt the most alone. I feel like I’m constantly on the outside looking in, it’s a weird feeling I can’t accurately describe. When I was in high school, I used to say “when you ask me to think of my best friend at this moment, I guarantee the person I’m thinking of isn’t thinking of me”. That’s a perfect way to describe it. It seems there’s always a “better” choice and I’ve gotten tired of trying to be that better choice.
It’s exhausting spending nights and weekends in my apartment alone when I see people who I consider my friends on social media out with everyone in the group but me. It’s exhausting being told “yes, we will definitely invite you next time we go!” to then not hear a word. It’s exhausting expressing that you feel this way to the people doing it and they don’t ever stop to think how much pain they are causing you (intentionally or unintentionally).
My point in writing all of this is to show you that the people who look like they are in the thick of things spend most nights wishing they were. I’ll say it 100x over again, social media is a highlight reel. I post the cute photos from Halloween or summer camp, but you don’t see me feeling like I’m not enough and getting told I “eat too much” behind the scenes. People don’t want to show that part of their lives because it’s too deep. It goes both ways—the people you see on social media out and about every weekend might be feeling the same way.
Here’s your friendly reminder: if you are the one constantly left out of plans, events, and outings, people don’t look outside of themselves to see how you feel. It may feel like it’s your fatal flaw or something totally wrong with you, but it isn’t. Believe me, I feel it too, and writing this makes me feel a bit hypocritical since I still struggle constantly.
If you are the one finding yourself in 509 group chats, always having friends to go places with, always being invited out, etc…I challenge you to look outside your circle and see that maybe those who are always hustling may be covering up the fact that they wish they were there with you. Those who look like they have it all together and have tons of friends, plans, etc, DON’T. I can guarantee it!
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