Hi Warriors,
I know it’s not Wednesday, but I just couldn’t wait any longer to reconnect with you! I had a tough weekend in some aspects (and beautiful in others) and so I wanted to share some stories and what I am learning through processing.
Here’s the kicker that started all of my ruminating:
I was babysitting for one of my usual families on Saturday evening and one of the boys was making an avatar character for me on their Wii. When it got to the height and body type portion, he looks at me and slaps his hand over his mouth and gasps. He looks at me and says “You’re really fat!!! We need to make it the biggest size possible!”…and that absolutely crushed me.
The night went on and the same kiddo made me a handmade card that said “I love you Kaycee” on it and he told me it was the best night of his life. He asked how many days it would be until I come back to babysit and made a countdown. A question popped into my head during this time. Does me being “fat” in his mind change the way he feels about me as a babysitter? Does he love me any less because I’m “fat” or that my Wii character needed to be in a larger body?
The answer is no. It doesn’t change a thing.
The burning feeling in my chest and the watery feeling in my eyes were still present, don’t get me wrong. But it was extremely less than it would have been a few months ago. I have my own demons when it comes to body image. I feel like I don’t see myself the way others do. I don’t categorize myself as “fat” or “skinny” because I really just don’t believe I fit into either one. I’m just me and my body looks like Kaycee!
Does the label truly matter? Does it make a difference if I identify as fat or skinny? Maybe. But only in the way I treat myself. It doesn’t make me a better student, it doesn’t make me a better friend, it doesn’t make me a better babysitter. So why do we constantly try to put people in boxes based on their body shape? It almost equates to people’s worth nowadays when the two have zero correlation. I see it every day.
I’m learning and recognizing that my body is the least interesting thing about me. Tonight was a step in the right direction. My body may be “fat” compared to a six year old’s…and God I hope it is. Their only perception of body type is their own size, so it really isn’t personal. And even if it was personal, it actually does not matter.
This experience allowed me to start the dialogue with this kiddo about body image, because boys struggle too. I was able to create a teaching moment by sharing how everyone’s bodies look different and it isn’t right to label someone with a word like “fat” or “skinny”. It isn’t important at all.
The moral of the story here is to say that I was categorized into a body shape I don’t identify with and it didn’t feel good at all. While it stung, it allowed me to take a step back and realize that in the grand scheme of things, how this kiddo feels about or perceives my body size does not impact how good of a babysitter I am. Or a student. Or a sister. Or an employee. Or a titleholder. So on and so forth.
I would rather get the “I love you” any day over being told I was skinny.
xoxo,
Kaycee
Comments