Happy New Year everyone! I genuinely can’t believe it is already the start of another new year. It feels like I was just sitting at the dining room table with my family last New Year’s Eve, obsessing over how winning a highly coveted Miss Kansas local title was my number one goal in 2022 or “resolution” if you will. Wow–if that girl could see me now! Winning my first Miss local title, placing Top 10 at the Miss Kansas state competition, and then winning Miss Cowley County all in one year didn’t happen by accident, far from it. It took WORK! I’m about ready to put in some more…
Today, I’m going to be talking about setting realistic goals for 2023 and how it is okay to accept that you as a person do not need to burden yourself with ungodly expectations in order to feel worthy. The phrase “new year, new me” has become increasingly popular over the past few years, and frankly, I just don’t care for it. Yes, the new year brings transformation and the desire to tap into new habits, new behaviors, and ditch the toxic or useless ones behind. With that comes the expectation that we need to completely reinvent ourselves–and that is the part I don’t agree with. I think you can still be 100% yourself but want to make a few life adjustments.
You. Don’t. Need. To. Change.
I know how it is. We are our own worst critics! We think every wrong turn, mistake, unfinished task, or any wrongdoing is a failure and we quickly bash ourselves for what we didn’t do, trying to come up with outlandish resolutions and quick fixes. We don’t think we are ever doing enough, and when we are commended or rewarded, we have Imposter Syndrome, thinking “why me?”. We are simply never going to be enough for ourselves. But in 2023…2024…maybe 2025 we can become who we want by just following the New Year’s resolutions, right? Wrong. It’s basic psychology (and that is my minor in school, so you know I’m kinda a reputable source). The self-fulfilling prophecy in layman’s terms is that whatever we think tends to become true. No, it isn’t magic or some voodoo science (although I definitely can take an interest in that!). We create what we feed to our brain. If I tell myself every single day at the same time “I’m going to win Miss Kansas”, the chances of that are higher because I spoke it into existence. No, it’s not fate or the stars aligning or ~destiny~. The psychology behind it is that we are subconsciously working harder and setting up our surroundings to ensure that the scenario is going to happen! The mindset is so incredibly powerful! Imagine what damage it can do if you feed it negative things.
That is what New Year’s resolutions and the whole “new year, new me” thing are. We are telling ourselves subconsciously that we are not good enough just as we are! That couldn’t be further from the truth, yet we believe it and it makes itself come true.
My family has started to do “goals” for the new year instead of “resolutions”, because the word in and of itself already has a bad connotation, hinting that you did something wrong! I’m changing the narrative slowly but surely, and I get how tedious that can be. However, when we feed our mind slow and positive messages, it can digest it so much better and create something more mentally healthy AND sustainable!
Use this blog post as practice with me…
What did you do in 2022 that you are proud of?
*Insert your answer here–this exercise can even be just in your head*
What did you accomplish that you did not think you could?
What is something about you that remained true all year long? And no, I’m not talking about the new blonde highlights in your hair or the 20 pounds you lost last year and kept off (that is still something to be proud of!!). Thanks to my amazing sister for bringing this up to me and changing my entire perspective about resolutions.
What do you hope to bring with you into 2023? What do you want to leave behind?
*Ex. This would be the place to talk about bringing healthy boundaries in relationships into the new year and not leaving behind the 20 lbs you gained. Can you tell this one’s personal for me???
See? It is the exact same practice as resolutions, yet you actually feel…proud of yourself? It draws attention to the positive aspects and leaves behind the blame and guilt. It doesn’t diminish the things we aren’t proud of or want to change, because that’s what goals are after all. It simply just reshapes the way our brain digests it. It shapes the mindset into something that actually feels attainable!!!
So don’t change who you are. Throw new year, new me in the trash can because it is literally useless. Flush it. Do whatever you need to do to rid yourself of that stupid mentality that is plugged into our heads through social media, marketing, “self help” girl boss books. Be done! You are perfect and capable as you are, and you need every little part of you, even the parts you may not be proud of right now. Because guess what? You can’t bring those good parts of the last year and the things you are proud of into the new year if you create a whole “new me” type situation. They will be gone.
Yes, you can work to improve, grow, and shift. But never, ever ditch the true you at the core.
Because I think you’re pretty perfect :)
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